ycnaN

Fanciest Nancy did not meet the expectations that had so confidently been set for her. But I guess that’s because she’s me, and I tend to do that. Fanciest Nancy has a beautiful mind filled with potential, she is funny, and good at writing in her own opinion, she has friends, and the few people that know her, do seem to like her. But I guess that’s cuz she’s me, and I tend to do that. She is creative and moody and overly blunt. But I guess that’s because she’s me, and I tend to do that. She is never on time for anything, clearly. And I guess that’s because she’s me, and I tend to do that.

But

Fanciest Nancy also isn’t me. Her life is over, and mine is just beginning. Fanciest Nancy doesn’t know my friends. She’s not coming to college with me. She doesn’t love warm fresh babies or long hugs or the feeling of using a new toothbrush. Nancy was an assignment in a class that she barely even does the homework for. I am a person. I still have my potential. I still have expectations I can meet. I have everything ahead of me. I honestly thought at the beginning of this blog assignment that I would dread the reveal. That I would miss Nancy. That I would love who I created. And sadly, I don’t. Nancy is limited to the posts I can count on one hand, she isn’t who I want her to be. And I’m happy to let her go. And now I get to be me and try and start over and now everyone can be like “yo, you I loved your post” cuz they’ll know me and that’s so exciting! I am me and I am cool and funny and I have awesome friends and my mom deserves more than I could ever give her and sometimes I still cry when my dad goes to work and I have a boyfriend who I hate calling my boyfriend but I do love him and I’m passionate about the color pink and life in general and I believe in second, third, and fourth chances and I love that I can do that in a small way for myself right now.

I am

Eliza Lee.

Please like me or at least act like it haha.

evoL

Love.

It’s an interesting thing.

It’s complex.

But at the same time

It’s simple.

Love is one of the few things people both crave and need.

Love is easy to find.

Easy to feel.

Easy to know.

Yet it is not tangible.

The more we know love,

The more it envelops us.

Love can trap us,

Control us,

Hold us hostage.

Love becomes us.

We become reliant on love like how an addict relies on substance.

Love cannot save us,

But it can be the reason why we fight.

Love becomes the wound that bleeds.

The space that needs to be filled.

The emptiness that echoes into silence.

Love is ultimately the endless void that demands to be filled.

The need for love is almost debilitating.

But the feeling is every pleasant word one can think of.

Love controls us.

It is the ultimate master, and a constant companion.

It is the reason why we progress.

Without love,

There is no reason to go on

No reason to fight

No reason to live.

Love is in us.

We are in love.

And together,

love leads us through a life worth living.

stoboR

I am ordering a pair of shoes.

They are white

And pink

And perfect.

I love them.

Just seeing them through my phone screen excites me.

Thinking about all the faces that will see and love these shoes.

All the places these shoes will take me.

They’ll last through the seasons.

They’ll get wet

And snowy

And dirty

And probably stinky.

They’ll hold some happy feet,

And some sad feet too.

They’ll hold freshly painted toes,

Stubbed toes,

Funny looking sausage toes,

They’ll hold my toes.

They’ll see some mismatched socks,

And maybe if I’m running late,

No socks at all.

They’ll feel the warm gravel on summer nights.

They’ll feel the squishy-swampy spring grass.

They’ll know the crunch of of orange fall leaves.

They’ll probably slip on winter ice,

Because after all,

They are on my feet.

These shoes will watch me become someone newer,

Older,

And different.

And they’ll sometimes see me wish that I could go back to my older,

Newer,

And less different self.

These shoes will carry me,

And I will carry them.

I see them staring back at me on my hand held screen,

Not even aware of their potential.

I add them to my cart,

And fill out the credit card information.

But there is one last step.

One last box.

One last check mark before I embark on my “sole” filled adventure.

It stares back at me and reads,

“I am not a robot.”

I check the box,

Because I know I am not.

Because robots

Don’t wear shoes.

Me

I don’t know how to begin this.

How do you describe yourself

Without giving too much of yourself away?

I never realized how much I like my name.

My name kind of carries me.

I also feel dumb writing this

Cuz it’s late…

Very late,

Like me.

I’m usually late…

Very late…

To everything.

Like this assignment

That was due a week ago.

I also don’t know why I’m writing in this awful one-line-tryna-be-artsy way. Let’s change that.

I am a girly girl. Pink makes me happier than it should. If I could huff the color pink I would. My favorite time of day is when the sun is setting, but I don’t call them “sunsets” I call them, “pink time.” My favorite novel is “Fancy Nancy” (hence the pen name.) I love clothes but I hate shopping. So ya in conclusion I am a girl and I think that’s fun but other girls also scare me. Girls are scary. We* are scary. I am sorry for our malicious ways. I envy how boys get mad at each other, hit something, and then come back and say like, “bro sorry I was being a d1ck let’s make a sandwich.” And all is well. So like ya. Go women’s rights and suffrage and end that darn wage gap but also stop the snakey whisperings and duplicitous gossips and the borderline psycho inflictions of intense emotional pain. I am going through an intense obsession over McDonald’s new Tropic Berry Sprite®️. I always have gum. My room is about as messy as this blog post. I smell fantastic, I really do. I want like 15+ kids and I’m gonna give them all an instrument and I’m gonna haul them around in one of those Mercedes 18 passenger luxury mobiles and have a lil family band and be best friends and we’re all gonna be so tight and everyone is gonna love my kids cuz they’re gonna just exude swag. Patriotism is a personality trait and if you don’t have it I won’t waste my time with you. I am a firm believer in empathy, and a firm disbeliever that you have to go through something in order to know another person’s pain. A life motto that I have given myself has been, “logic cannot always reason with emotion.” Cuz it turns out your head and your heart are two different things and if you try to squash them together you’ll either be very messed up or a very good band. I firmly believe that holding a freshly, lotioned, bathed, and pajama’d baby can heal almost any ailment. Face masks won’t fix all of your problems, but they will get pretty darn close. I am passionate about pajamas and pretty much anything that will bring maxcomfort. I have learned that the coolest thing to do is not always the funnest. And I’ve learned to love people, and to know them, because it’s very hard to hate someone you know.

Bye guys. Make sure to like and subscribe ;).